You know how you are supposed to go through stages through life to develop into an adult. You are supposed to do the soul searching in your teens or your twenties. Well I think I must have skipped that bit. I was too busy playing sport, studying and travelling. Avoiding. I basically had the icing and left the cake. Well if you knew me that would have been unlikely too. Never leave a plate unfinished. Part of me wants to grow up, the other half is happy being a child. The inner child will always be the inner child though. I’m not sure what I want to have happen but I know I have gaps.
Reading about the inner child, it relates to not-dealt-with-traumas. Well I don’t believe I had tramas growing up. I just never grew up. Why should I? Sure I can act like an adult and I pull it off rather well yet I’m not fooling myself. Is this the Aspergers side of me? I have no ambition in the traditional sense and quite content usually but not at peace within myself. You might think this gap in my development may have me running for the psychology books but I’m going to take a different direction to Ukraine and Russia.
It’s never to late too fill in the gaps, is it? I think not. Don’t think that I haven’t tried. Believe me I have. Perhaps I didn’t delve deep enough? But something has been missing. I believe it might be Tolstoy, Gogol, Dostoevsky and other Ukraine/Russian writers. I’m going to have a year of Russian novels. I’m going to binge read. Time to reflect and dig deep. I may indulge in Russian food while I’m at it, making borscht and piroshiki. Not to mention reading Ukraine/Russian fairy tales.
I’m going to start with this list of novels and perhaps add some more if I hear of others.
A Hero Of Our Time – Mikhail Lermontov (1840)
Dead Souls – Nikolay Gogol (1842)
Oblomov – Ivan Gontcharov (1859)
Fathers and Sons – Ivan Turgenev (1862)
What Is To Be Done – Nikolay Chernychevshy (1863)
Crime And Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky (1867)
War and Peace – Lev Tolstoy (1863-1869)
Anna Karenina – Lev Tolstoy (1875-1877)
The Brothers Karamazov – Fyodor Dostoevsky (1879-1880)
Mother – Maxim Gorky (1906)
Petersburg – Andrei Bely (1916, then revised edition 1922)
Envy – Yuri Olesha (1927)
Invitation to a Beheading, Vladimir Nabokov (1936)
The Master And The Margarita – Mikhail Bulgakov (1966) [ Burgin/Tiernan O’Connor’s translation]
The Foundation Pit – Andrey Platonov (finished in 1930 but not published until 1987 due to censorship)
The Time: Night – Ludmilla Petrushevskaya (1992)
Omon Ra – Victor Pelevin (1992)
Day of the Oprichnik – Vladimir Sorokin (2006)
The Dream Life of Sukhanov – Olga Grushin (2006)
The Secret History of Moscow – Ekaterina Sedia (2007)
Hozier – Take Me To Church