When perseverance is wrong

I spent ten years in an occupation that was completely wrong for me, teaching. I always felt drained after a day of school. I needed to recharge and then I needed to prepare for the next day. I can see now why it was so wrong for me. Towards the end I would cry without reason. The life was draining out of me. The day I finished I never looked back. No regrets just relief. Relief. Followed by rest. Lots and lots of rest.

Perseverance in the wrong place can be disastrous. I didn’t want to give up my job. I didn’t want to admit that I had made the wrong choice. I didn’t want to fail. I persevered for too long. In hindsight I should have given up after a year. What other people think of you is really just in your head, your perception of what they think, not actually what they think. Most people are trying to sort themselves out and really don’t give a toss about you. I should have not worried about being a failure. Really I tried it. It wasn’t for me. I should have walked away sooner. I wanted to give it a chance. Why? How long is long enough to realise that it is not your thing? A day? A week? A month? Six months? A year? Depends doesn’t it? Sometimes we make poor decisions. We don’t always have to live with it for ever. We have a choice.

Analysis and research, shape and design are my strong points and with that in mind I should really have gone in that direction earlier. It is very difficult when you are young to know what you want to do. Especially when you have people telling you to be practical and chose subjects at university with a job in mind. It shouldn’t be that way. It is the time to expand your mind so it takes you in tangents that you didn’t know existed. Playing it safe is not stimulating for the mind it kills the mind. Boredom is the danger of playing safe.

If I follow the wrong path nowadays I turn back and take another one or make my own new one. Giving up time and effort can be better than persevering for the sake of saving face. It’s not worth it. You only have one life. Live it well.

Seven Nights

Seven nights sober,
A dry week so to speak,
No wine, no beer, no spirits near,
The evenings seem longer, the mornings lighter,
The fog is lifting,
Different risks are being considered,
The possibilities are endless,
And oh so worth it.



No is such a small yet powerful word. We don’t say it often enough.
We are a society of aiming to please. We do it so often we don’t know we are doing it, we don’t know why we are doing it and we don’t have time to stop and wonder why.
We try to please our parents, our siblings, our family, our friends, our colleagues, our bosses, our pets, our Gods. We are so busy trying to please that we forget ourselves. We become upset and irritated but we have no idea why. I know why.

No stops time.
No makes you think.
No gives you time to breathe.
No gives you your soul back.
No gives you your self belief back.
No gives you boundaries.
No gives you freedom.

I said no this week. It gave me a headache. It made me doubt the decision. It made me feel selfish. It made me fee unkind. I slept on the no. I woke up feeling stronger. I woke up feeling a little bit more me. I stepped into the light. I feel powerful. I like this new feeling.

We should say no more often.

Just one bite…it can’t hurt


I don’t wish to be obsessed with food. But I seem to be.

Call it the magic hours or the golden hours, the time between eight and ten in the evening are the bewitching hours of when I am liable to pick up a snack and consume it until either the bag is finished or the last crumb is eaten. I crave something to eat at this time of day. Do I really feel hungry if I’m honest with myself? No.

A distraction is what I need.

It all comes down to habits. I have gotten into bad habits. Time to distract myself into a good habit.

List of Distractions
A nice hot bath with candles or bubbles or both.
Watch a film
Read a book
Write a journal post
Write a blog post
Call, email or write a friend a letter
Talk to your family
Enjoy a hobby
Play a computer game

Let’s analyse the suggestions shall we?
A nice hot bath, sounds good but does that include wine and cheese? Or a slice of cake with the hot drink? Or a cocktail?  Just kidding! Forget about it.

Watch a film…doesn’t include homemade popcorn. You should know better. You could always knit while you watch. Sketch. Keep your hands busy so you aren’t inclined to think of popping a kernel. Seriously? Popcorn?

Exercise? This late at night? Why not. You could prop up the iPad on the exercise machine and watch a film while you exercise. Perfect. Now why haven’t I done this sooner. Yes why haven’t I?

Read a book…too easy to graze and read isn’t it. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Read in a different spot than you would normally if you like to eat while you read. Break that habit. Join a library. You cannot use the price of books as an excuse to refrain from reading.

Snacking….You could always challenge yourself to eat only what you can eat with chopsticks. Especially for those at a keyboard. Sticky fingers and keyboards are yucky. Drink spills can also be fatal for keyboards. Long stemmed glasses and spare ribs do not maketh a computer snack.

Back to the journal writing. You could write what you are feeling when it comes to the golden hour. You could write what you are thankful for or you could write a food journal of what you ate today. Every item you ate. The quantity but not the calories. The list is enough to scare you. You know deep down what is good for you and what is not. The brain knows this but the heart twists the arm and before we know it the excuses are said and the item is consumed. The momentary feeling of pleasure is lost almost immediately after finishing the item. The feeling leftover is of disappointment. We are our own worst critic and we are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else. We show no mercy when we we should. We are kinder on our worst enemy than we are on ourselves. When will we learn to be kind to ourselves. We are not perfect despite the little voice inside our heads telling us that we really should be trying. None of it is important really.
We should just learn to be happy right. So easy. I said it so it should be done. It’s not done. It’s not that simple. Yet it should be.
Why do we worry so much about what we eat or don’t eat? Why are we so obsessed with food. Too much or too little? It’s where the money is channelled these days. The food industry. Everyone trying to place their product in easy reach of you the consumer. Eat this, not that. This is good for, that is not.



That was easy. That is my rule when it comes to food. That is enough. Do I stick to it? I wouldn’t be writing this if I were.
The little voice on my shoulder is tapping me and asking but what is moderation? You know when you have stepped over your line. And face it. Everyone’s line is drawn in a different spot. What is my line today may be drawn in a different spot next year. We need to feel good about ourselves and that is where we want to head.

Write a blog post,..that’s what I’m doing now.

Can I give you a suggestion. Stop buying snacks. It’s that easy. Don’t have anything in the house that you are tempted to snack on, unless it’s a vegetable or fruit. Treat yourself like an alcoholic and remove the vice from your home. I have cupcake molds and sprinkles and icing but have I made any? No. Because if I make them I will eat them ALL. It is safer not to. I could freeze them, couldn’t I? That could be a solution. But that’s just like having vodka in the freezer for the alcoholic.  If you go to a cupcake shop and you are tempted. Just buy ONE. Gluten free? They have cupcakes for you too.

So you are with me this far and you are still not sure what to do. Avoid the supermarket and visit the greengrocer, you know the place that sells fruit and vegetables. Go to the butcher if you are meat inclined. If you must go to the supermarket don’t walk down the junk food aisle. Avoid all of them, the one with fizzy drinks too. And avoid the alcohol aisle too while you are there. Take the temptation out of your field of view. Distract yourself. Write a shopping list and keep to it.

Good luck.
Go forth and distract thyself.

Groove Armada – Think Twice


When is enough enough?
Sounds like a trick question. It depends on the context. It means to either have sufficient or adequate amounts of something for a need or desire; or to be exasperated by something.

I don’t have enough money to buy an island.
We have enough rain so we don’t need to irrigate.
She has enough sense to make the right decision.
They don’t have enough time to make the flight.
Enough! Stop it right now.

Exasperation aside what do you do once you have enough? Enough what?
Let’s look at money. If you have enough money then it allows you to do things or buy stuff.

How much is enough money?
Society measures success by measuring how much money you earn, how much you have in investments, what possessions you own. Success is not necessarily measured in monetary terms though. Success is accomplishing an aim or purpose. So depending on the aim or purpose money may not be a factor at all. You may be considered successful by others but for your own aims you may believe otherwise. Or the other way around. It all comes down to you. What do you believe? It doesn’t matter what other people believe.

How much money do I need to retire?
According to Forbes calculation see here
According to Sorted here
Retirement Calculator here
We all have different lifestyles, needs and wants, we have different family situations too. We are all different and so we will all have different answers. There is no magic number of enough.

Some people want to live beyond their means. They run into trouble and wonder how it was possible. Some people want to take lots of risk and then wonder why it doesn’t work out. Some people want to live in a dream world and expect other people to pay for them, whether it be other family members, friends or the government. Handouts and shortcuts.

Sometimes people don’t have enough money through no fault of their own. Through hardship due to circumstances they have no control over like natural disasters or being born into poverty. I am not talking about people in these situations.

How much is enough money?
So enough already. Answer the question: How much is enough money?
It depends. Truly. It depends entirely on you.
Let’s go back a moment and look at success. What do you want to get out of life? What are your aims or what is your purpose? I’m not talking about what society thinks here, I mean you. What do you want to do that makes you happy? Fulfilled? Satisfied? Worthy? Have a better idea now? Yes? Read below. If not keep thinking.
Okay how much money does it require? (If you don’t know know, find out.)
That is your number for enough money for your specific aim/purpose/goal.


©AspergersOnToast 2015

Revise, revise and revise again
This figure can change too. You may change your goal, aim or purpose and this will affect the need or the want. Remember that a goal is a step, big or small in achieving your aim or purpose.
How often do you change your mind each day? Often? Well then you probably change your mind about your direction too. Revise your goals regularly and see if you are on your right path. You may be forging a new one. Life is full of surprises and we need to work with what we have. Sometimes a wrong turn can be for the better.
Revise, revise and revise again.

I have enough money, now what?
Excellent. Well done. Good effort. Go do your thing. You know the thing that fulfills you. The thing that makes you happy. Enjoy.

Bored? Unfulfilled? Unhappy? Make another plan. If you have enough money to do what you want for your next goal do you stop saving for the one after that? Go back and revise what you want to do. Make another plan. It may come down to the fact that you have enough money but you don’t have enough time. Use some of that money to make enough time. Don’t wait until it’s too late to use that money for your purpose.

Enough time
In an ideal world we would all have enough time and money to do what we want. In reality we need to make priorities and decide what we want to do and make effort to achieve our aims, goals or purpose. When the money and time aligns, then that’s a sweet spot to be in.

Stop wasting time and get out there and do your thing whatever that is. If you aren’t sure yet. Think on in. Try something new and see what fits with you. Act now or forever be disappointed about the little words “what if.”

Almost is Never Enough – Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes

Court clash between Green Bay High School and student with Aspergers

Students have the right to study. In fact there is a legal obligation to attend school until the age of 16 years old in New Zealand. After your 16th birthday you can chose to stay on or leave.
Ignorance, lack of empathy and apathy has a lot to answer for today. I only glance at the news these days because I find the negative spin quite disheartening. Yet this headline caught my eye because of the word Aspergers.
The Human Rights Commission, The Disabilities Commission, Crown Law, IHC and the Green Bay High School all have an interest in this case. The school is trying to overturn a ruling to allow the Asperger’s student back into the school. The student was 14 years old at the time of the incident back in 2013. It was an altercation between the said student and a teacher with a skateboard. The student is no longer in the area but would like to return to the school despite the obvious resistance from those in authority at the school.
Give this student the support and help he needs to allow him to stay in a main stream school environment.
When a student has a desire to learn, give them all the help they need. This is the time to build their foundation for the rest of their lives. Let’s make it solid so they can stand on their own later in life feeling loved, supported and encouraged.
For more details on the story see the links.
Shame on Green Bay High (20 March 2014)
Green Bay High School clash (31 May 2015)


Harman Singh made my day yesterday. His selflessness touched me. He removed his turban to help stop the bleeding of a head wound of a child who has just been hit by a car. He acted without thought. You might be thinking how kind but it goes further than that. Harman is a Sikh. Sikh men wear turbans for religious reasons. Aside from covering hair the turban or dastar represents honour, self-respect, courage, spirituality, and piety. They never show a bare head in public.

Selfless Sikh praised worldwide article

Look before you leap doesn’t always match the ocassion. Sometimes it is better to leap before you look. Perhaps he has read W. H. Auden? Thank you Harman for caring.

Autistic child treated as a criminal

Kayleb Moon-Robinson has a record now and is classed as a felon.
He was arrested in the state of Virginia, USA.
He is an 11 year-old boy.
He has autism.
The police officer arrested him for “kicking a trashcan”. The police officer saw him do it. He tried to grab the boy and the boy resisted and was also charged with resisting arrest.
Again I say he’s 11!
Over zealous law enforcement, by the looks of it. Where is the justice here?
April is Autism Month. More understanding needed by the arresting officer.
If you want to sign a petition to get the charges dropped for Kayleb Moon-Robinson click the link here at change.org.
123,723 supporters 994 people have signed the petition so far today. 3226 signatures and counting…
For more on this story please click the link below.

James Bay – Hear Your Heart